C is for…

I’m blogging under the symbol of a cow.  I know that seems strange, but please read on to see if I can make it sound reasonable….

COW: I grew up in the suburbs.  My only real interaction with a cow was cute, white with black spots, cow stickers.  You could by them off a roll at the store.  In my life today, the cow is every negative thing I believe about myself and every positive at the same time.

Example: Divine Bovine. My beloved afternoon nanny, Oprah, would always have make-over shows for moms that, “let themselves go.” I’d then wonder about those moms while growing up.  Why would you let yourself go?

I have learned over the years to be careful of the questions I ask in life, because life tends to make me live the answer.

Some woman struggle after having children and I was one of them. I had a personal perfect storm of motherhood: exhaustion, unattractive (fat, sore, stitched, breast feeding) and bitchy (hormones scare the crap out of me now). Then it got topped off with unexpectedly leaving my career and the constant stressful state of special needs high alert. My son was diagnosed with autism at 2 months.  I wasn’t loving life and I sure wasn’t loving myself.  My hateful self image became this big, dumb and unattractive cow (breast feeding kinda puts the cow front and center).

One day I decided to snap out it.  A year later I finally succeeded (mostly!). Part of the new me wanted to send out my experiences online for other moms. In an effort to save them from having to “live” an answer.  Or, at least shorten the bounce back time.

My goal is to be honest about my experiences.  Including: friends, teachers, therapists, family members etc… I choose to do that anonymously, because I have a non-verbal son. If a person treats him poorly based on something I’ve posted, he can’t tell me.

So… I picked the cow.  I had succeeded in turning my self image around, so I wanted to make my most negative view of myself my most positive action.

Then… I needed a logo.  I did a google search on cow and this is what I found.  It’s considered divine in India (I knew that, but forgot in my negative state of mind).  It’s the animal embodiment of Hathor the Egyptian goddess of joy and feminine love.  In Norse mythology a cow emitted the four rivers of power.

The Divine Bovine! Motherhood can bring out the best and the worst in us.  Now the white and black cow of my childhood, is my yin-yang of motherhood. One day I’ll have my own stickers ;)


Did I make it sound reasonable?

(My 500 words or less challenge) word count = 452

22 thoughts on “COW”

    1. That’s awesome! If I had known you when I started, I probably would have asked if I could use your picture as my logo ;)

    1. I agree and I forgot that important truth for a couple of years. Happy to have found it again! Thank you for posting :)

    1. It was my favorite show, too! The “before’s” were always a bit scary! My favorite make-over show was when she had men with beards cut them off after a lifetime of wearing them. One “professor” had no chin after the beard was gone, it made him look like a “hick.” You could tell his wife was horrified and I think she even said she was going to have him grow it back. So fantastic =)

  1. You are doing such a wonderful thing by sharing your honest experiences with other people. More power to you! And stay blessed, Clarabelle! ♥

    1. I now, right?? I sometimes forget the world had a long history before I got here and my experiences are really nothing new. Early people had already found the beauty of the cow and I had to stumble around to find it myself =)

  2. Hi Clarabelle – looks like your cow is taking you down the divine bovine route .. and you’re hitting the right buttons along the way. Life can really knock us sometimes … so I feel for you – but you’re positive for your son and that is the most important thing … love does conquer so much … take care and with thoughts – Hilary

  3. Hi Clarabelle!

    This is an amazing article for both mothers and women in general. It really makes sense when you put it the way you do. When we deal with something horrible in our lives we usually turn on ourselves first thinking we’re not worth it. I think it’s great you picked this topic to write about.

    P.S. thanks for leaving a link on my page, I kept googling you but ended up on some photography site. lol

  4. I agree. I was taking good care of my kids, but not myself. I finally realized that I was hurting my kids, too.

    No one can find me! I’m new to this and somehow I messed up the google & wordpress connection. I copied the code to imbed by blog adddress in comments from another blogger. I hope I can figure it out one day =)

  5. Beverly, thank you for all your comments!! Turning the negative into a positive is one step at a time and sometimes two steps back…

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